SALEM, Mass. – In what some within the Department of Magic are calling a serious anomaly, reported incidents of “unexpected results” — the standard euphemism for workplace accidents — at the main lab at the Auror Department have dropped by almost 60% over the last year.
“It’s been quite pleasant, actually, to not have to fill out as much paperwork as I used to and not to be missing lab techs for weeks at a time at Serenity Valley Rehabilitation Hospital,” said Ivan Doroschuk, Head of Safety Operations for the D.o.M.
“But to be honest, we’re a little scared as well. Just, you know, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for the stats to catch back up. The recent reduction in force within the Auror Department does not fully explain the drop we’ve seen.”
The Hexagon and, specifically, the Auror Department, have come under fire the last few years as the number of accidents rose in both frequency and severity.
“It probably has to do with the increased danger we’ve faced as a community recently,” stated David Grimm, a janitor at the Hexagon with no insight or authority over the situation. “I mean, it’s gotten pretty dangerous out there, right? We need better weapons to fight back.” Mr. Grimm was escorted out of the Hexagon shortly after this interview by Auror Department officials, who refused further comment.
Numerous attempts to contact Desmond Cubrick, lead Auror of the lab and Chief of Experimental Magic, were unsuccessful.