Drake Announces Write-In Campaign for Secretary

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Simon Drake is a wizard. We should have known.

And now he wants to be Secretary of Magic as well as Muggle Speaker of the House.

Having achieved the latter goal in January with the start of the new Congress, Drake announced his intention to seek the former office today with a press conference at his newly-opened campaign headquarters.

From the moment he stepped onto the grounds of Avistrum to the moment last October when he revealed himself as a wizard, Drake wielded an uncanny power over many of the staff and students. Not to imply that there was any liberal dispensing of the Imperius Curse by the Muggle politician, it is simply the effect he has on those around him. Even for someone with the dual lifestyles of a politician and a wizard, Drake carries himself with an unparalleled level of confidence and security that tends to make even the most jaded skeptics believe everything he says and put their trust in him. Though his magical ability was only recently brought to light, Simon Drake has quickly been elevated to the status of cult hero and has become a source of inspiration through his addresses as the recently-elected Muggle Speaker of the House. Not since the days of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named has a wizard so quickly become so popular. Or so controversial.

The faculty at Avistrum Academy of Sorcery have loudly denounced Simon Drake as a threat to both the wizarding world and the Muggles he currently represents, most vividly in their accounts of last year’s tragic school term. The faculty claim that Simon Drake used his position as Muggle Liason to infiltrate the school, allowing his supposed ally and notorious criminal Persephone onto the grounds before executing her in front of the student body and attempting to murder Head Girl Amelia Emberwing as well. While these accusations have led most to condemn Drake, his supporters remain loyal.

“If Simon Drake had committed murder the Aurors’ Office would have thrown him into Alcatraz by now. The Statute of Secrecy isn’t a suit of spell-proof armor,“ one Drake advocate said. “The Avistrum faculty is just demonizing him because they’ve been losing control of the school for years and need a scapegoat.”

Drake himself has adamantly denied the accusations from the staff at Avistrum.

“If you look back on every account, you’ll see that Persephone was the only person outside of professors Dowling and Bloodthorne, who were defending the school and the students, to do any damage with a wand. She even fired a spell at me.”

When asked about why he chose that moment to reveal himself as a wizard, the Muggle politician hesitated.

“Nobody else was doing anything. Persephone and two other wizards had collected the wands of each faculty member. They were helpless. So, knowing that I had the advantage, I drew my wand and killed her. I’m not proud of it, but I can rest easy knowing that I did what was necessary.”

Drake also contends that once the threat was neutralized the faculty turned on him, demanding to know why he did not reveal himself earlier and threatened to charge him to the Aurors with being an unlicensed wizard and the illegal use of magic. Drake states that at this point, instead of fleeing as the Avistrum faculty has accused him, he turned himself immediately over to the Aurors’ service.

“I felt it prudent to take that step myself, to allow the Aurors to investigate my history immediately, as opposed to having the faculty turn me over and inadvertently misrepresent the situation. I guess it proves that the road to hell really is paved with good intentions.”

Whether Drake means for that road to be traveled by himself and his supporters, or by his detractors at Avistrum and elsewhere, is uncertain. What is certain is that no wizard in recent memory has caused the wizarding community to be so vividly polarized; and, love him or hate him, Simon Drake has arrived.